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Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Rocket Poop

If I had a dollar for every time that my wife asked me to get up and get something for her, I would be writing this from the Hamptons right now. But it's usually something for the baby, and as a dad, I don't mind. I will do anything for my little girl. Even if it means cleaning up the rocket poop that sprayed all over the carpet. 

Yes, that happens. I have yet to invent some type of poop-shield. A "backboard". That's what is really needed. Someone help me out. Let's get this solution figured out before my carpet has holes in it. 

Until that's figured out, rocket poop exists. I can't speak for other babies, because I haven't experienced it elsewhere. But my daughter can spray poop at record speeds. As a matter of fact, last time I believe I heard a small "boom" from the sound barrier breaking. Pretty intense. 

Getting baby droppings launched into your chest can put a damper on your day, or ruin your dinner, but it's the timing that really is the puzzler. She's so sneaky about it. Everything will be calm on the battle front, and once you cross into the jungle, it's all out war. There's no turning back. You just take the bullet spray and hope you dodge the killer. 

She's like a skunk. Spraying to defend herself. Like "get away from me with that warm, damp wipe". Your treading on thin ice. Keep your mouth closed because the cannon is loaded. And only God can tell when it's ready to blow. 

Not only do babies poop, a lot;

They poop, ferociously.

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1 comment:

  1. First, congratulations on the new baby!!

    Secondly, you speak the truth! Our oldest taught us the hard way, too. The worst time was the 4:00am poop launch. After he had been up every hour all night long, I had to change his diaper. As soon as the diaper was clear, he let it rip. All over the wall, the floor, the Diaper Genie, the table.

    I don't have a shield for you. Sorry. You just have to learn to be faster at the diaper change. :)


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